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FASD and Autism…

I was recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, too. About 3 weeks ago. I have not said anything, here because I don’t know how I feel. There is one thing to think you have something, but then you are actually diagnosed with it. I went through the same thing when a doctor said I had all the characteristics of someone with FASD. I knew that you could have both. I actually wondered if I did. I have heard that people with FASD can have both. I know both can have a lot of the same traits, but I had a neurologist ask me a bunch of questions and he said not only by my answers, but in observing me, he knew I had Autism. Hmmm. Someone asked me how I felt. I didn’t even answer. I really don’t know how I feel about it. I’m not saying this is bad. I have got to know a lot of neurotypicals in my years and I can honestly say, there is not one I would want to be like…lol. So, I’m okay with being on the spectrum. When i wrote Autism Spectrum Disorder, the word that I kept staring at was Disorder. Really? This is a disorder? I want to look up what that means. Wait a second…okay a medical condition involving a disturbance to the usual functioning of the mind.

Okay. I will let that process.

Who says how we process and what we do is a distrubance. Okay. I get that things are not right. But who says that neurotypical brains are just that…typical?…

Just a question. Image


Being an FASD mom with an NT daughter

“Here mom, let me help.” Those were the words I heard from my 16-year-old today. I’m thankful for those who know when to help. Who know how to help and who know exactly how to allow me to be this FASD person but still feel okay at the same time!!!!! To be in a store, surrounded by items, with a list shuts down my brain. The harder I try, the more confused I get. Looking at items trying to match them up to the list for 15 minutes didnt help. “Here mom, let me help.” Calm. Patient. Loving. And most importantly, she did it in a way that I did not feel insignificant. She just stepped in and helped and didnt for a second make me feel that there was something wrong with me.

It’s hard being FASD. It’s hard not understanding what people say. Its hard being FASD, but being expected to act as if we are an NT. It’s so difficult to live in a neurotypical world. Where even if people know your disability, they want you to act like them. Anger and frustration only makes our disabilities 10x worse.
If my daughter was not there today, I absolutely would have left that store with zero items on the list. I forgot one thing after another and she just said, “It’s okay mom, its right here.”  She didnt get angry. She didnt get frustrated. She could have…lol. She’s 16. We had been there a long time!!! We had to go back because I forgot something. “It’s okay, mom.”
I am so sensitive. If someone is upset at me, I literally go to tears and shut down ever more. I try so hard to understand and do what is expected of me, but so many times, the harder I try, the more I get it wrong. 
I had complete brain shutdown today. The harder I tried, the more my brain would not process. I’m thankful that she kept calm and just did it with me and the job got done! 
I’m thankful, but yet a little down about it at the same time.. I care! I want to be my best for myself and for the people I’m with. When I walk into a store, I want to be able to walk right up grab the things on the list and not have to rely on others to help me. It is what it is. That is my motto about those things. It is soemthing I cannot change. So, I have to go with it. 
I can do one item at a time. When I’m with another person, I can do one item at a time. Lots of times I have to have instruction. Lots of times I have to be told more than once. Lots of times, I only hear blah blah blah when they tell me and I really dont have a clue what they said. If they dont look at me when they talk, I dont here it at all. 
I was thankful for my daughter today who stepped up and said, “Ill help you mom.” Nice job daughter of mine!