The other day, my external brain asked me to leave the toothpaste with the lid facing up because…this is where it starts to get fuzzy…lol. No idea why. Also, by the time I went to do what I was told, I forgot if I was supposed to put the toothpaste lid up or down. I stared at it for a few minutes completely wondering what in the world she had JUST said.
My daughter and I live with my external brain. (the person who helps me understand my surroundings.) We don’t have laundry facilities in the apartment and I told my daughter to get her clothes because they should be done drying. She went. Five minutes later, I asked her if she got her laundry. Guess who has short term memory problems!
Living with this is so hard, as an adult and as a parent. Fortunately, my daughter, 16, is one of my external brains and she rarely takes advantage of this, but when she wants to be her normal teenage self…well…she absolutely can use it to her advantage.
I wish I remembered things like everyone else. It can be embarrassing at times when I forget something that JUST happened.
When I was five years old, in Kingergarten, the neurologists said that I had significant brain damage and retention was going to be just about impossible for me. there are times I remember. I have no idea why certain things stick and most things don’t. I’m not sure if it is something visual that goes along with it that all of a sudden, just something sticks and becomes a long term memory, but for the most part, I really struggle with this.
If I don’t write it down…chances are, its gone within minutes…or seconds.
In school, as a kid, I normally forgot what the teacher said, right after shehad said it.
I read something the other day that I know for a fact, WORKS for FASDers in the classroom and at home.
One: Keep things simple when explaining.
In just a few words, say exactly what is wanted. Without detail. Just very specific. Once something starts off into too much detail or explaining, they lose me. So, say what you need to say in the first sentence.
Two: Be concrete.
Us FASDers DO NOT understand abstract AT ALL! I often times don’t understand words that are said until I can put something concrete to it, then I get that ah ha moment. We do not understand innuendos. We do not understand a lot of body language. Just say exactly, in short phrases, what you want or need.
Three: Repeat, repeat, repeat directions and rules.
Four: Have the FASDer repeat back what they are supposed to do. Make sure they understand the command. This helps tremendously! It forces the direction, I think, to go into a different part of the brain. I’m still not able to go too much further than two commands at a time, but saying it back absolutely helps me to retain it.
Five: Be consistent in the learning environment.
Transitions and out of the ordinary things completely can be devastating and create anxiety in someone with FASD. It absolutely will wipe out my memory if something happens that I was not expecting. Routine is important. Very similar to austim. Try to be as consistent in how you teach and the structure of the day.
I can’t speak for all FASDers, but I know for myself, being like this has been embarrasing, at times. I work very hard to look like I understand everything that is going on around me.I think we are masters at ‘looking like we understand when we really have NO idea.’ I nod and say okay. I try to look busy as I watch everyone around me. I watch what they do to see what I’m supposed to do because I didn’t retain a thing. I have had teachers say things to me that left me feeling worse than I already felt. They didn’t get FASD. They didn’t understand that I didn’t do it on purpose. And even though they told me several different times, I still did not remember.
To go back to the laundry thing…I did my friend’s laundry, the other day and I brought them in damp. Now, I know not to do that, but we were in a hurry and I had dried them twice and had another load in the wash and I knew we had to go. Sooooo I brought hers in damp.
I told her that for some reason the dryer did not seem hot enough. She asked me if I checked the settings. Ohhh…the settings…and I forgot what to do with them.
She told me it was okay if I had never been taught.
See, that’s the thing…I have been taught. Unfortunately, with FASD, we are learning THE SAME things for the first time…all the time…lol.
It can make life fun…there are a lot of firsts…lol.
The sad part, I think is…well… I really want to learn and retain.
My Kindergarten teacher figured out that I needed a lot of help. More than what she could give me. Mrs White. She is the reason I got my neurological testing. She got outside professionals involved and to this day, treats me with respect.
She came to my graduation party when I got my Masters. They said I wouldn’t graduate high school so she wanted to celebrate with me.
The reason I go through college and my graduate program was… I studied ALL the time. I was able to retain enough information to do well on each test.
Persistence. Perseverance. Determination. These are the keys to learning when you have FASD. It can be done! Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t. BUT, you have to be willing to work very hard!
I had a roommate, in college, that got all A’s. Never studied. I studied all the time to get a C. It was what it was. I had two choices. Cry about how hard I had to work and how everything came easy to her…(the not fair dance)…or work hard with a smile on my face and be willing to enjoy it, regardless.
I think my C was as good as her A. I was proud of myself when I looked down and saw a C because I knew it was the absolute best I could do.
One thing about me, and I think most FASDers, we are happy. We want to learn. We want to make it. We enjoy. We let things go and move on…lol.
Maybe it’s that short term memory thing…lol.