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Aside

FASD and Autism…

I was recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, too. About 3 weeks ago. I have not said anything, here because I don’t know how I feel. There is one thing to think you have something, but then you are actually diagnosed with it. I went through the same thing when a doctor said I had all the characteristics of someone with FASD. I knew that you could have both. I actually wondered if I did. I have heard that people with FASD can have both. I know both can have a lot of the same traits, but I had a neurologist ask me a bunch of questions and he said not only by my answers, but in observing me, he knew I had Autism. Hmmm. Someone asked me how I felt. I didn’t even answer. I really don’t know how I feel about it. I’m not saying this is bad. I have got to know a lot of neurotypicals in my years and I can honestly say, there is not one I would want to be like…lol. So, I’m okay with being on the spectrum. When i wrote Autism Spectrum Disorder, the word that I kept staring at was Disorder. Really? This is a disorder? I want to look up what that means. Wait a second…okay a medical condition involving a disturbance to the usual functioning of the mind.

Okay. I will let that process.

Who says how we process and what we do is a distrubance. Okay. I get that things are not right. But who says that neurotypical brains are just that…typical?…

Just a question. Image

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Feeling lost

Uncertainty is probably one of the hardest things for people with FASD to deal with. We feel so deeply. We long for love. We strive to be our best. It might not be other’s best, but it is ours. If you are happy with us, we are happy. If you are disappointed in us, we are sad. It’s that simple. We rely on other people being honest to us. I know in my world, I don’t think like someone who is neurotypical. It is hard for me to understand how they think. I can’t speak for all those with FAS, but I am not one to be deceitful. What you see is what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I give my all.

We truly do play on a different playing field than neurotypicals. Our brains are just wired differently. I have a brain of a 12 year old most of the time. When an adult tries to get me to think like they do, I just cannot do it. All that happens is I get confused. If they get upset with me cuz they feel that I did something wrong, I just get more confused. Meeting me where I am, as someone with FAS, expecting me to react and act as someone with FAS helps me so much. I’m just not able to play the game of life like others. I truly do not understand.

I love deeply!
I care deeply!
I feel deeply!
I hurt deeply!

I mean core hurt!

And all I want is to be loved for who I am. Be accepted for where I am at in life.

I will do nothing but love you…deeply!
Just love me back.

I have people try to get me to understand something that I did was not the way society should have done it. Why is your way the right way? Why is mine, wrong?

I’m not upset at you for thinking different.

I know for me, I am really trying to do the right thing. the right thing to you and the right thing to me are just different.

I want to please you with all of my heart.
It hurts me when I don’t please you.
I know for me, I would do anything to make you happy.

All we want…is to be loved right where we are.
We really cannot help that our brain thinks so much differently than yours.
We can’t help that we are unable to understand your ways.

I know many of us go through life feeling lost. I have talked to many of them.
I have some great friends who are FAS and they want nothing more than to have a love that meets them right where they are and understand that their brain simply does not operate like theirs.

The thing is:
We can love…probably deeper than most neurotypicals.
We can help…with our entire person, we want to.
We can be in relationships. Deep, long-lasting relationships.
We probably will give you more than we expect back.
If you make us upset, we will be over it very quickly. We want nothing more than for you to just love and accept us.

It can be frustrating. More on your part than on ours. We just get confused. You, i think, get frustrated with us because we just don’t see the world the way you do. The neurotypical world really wants us to see the world and operate the way they do.

I don’t mind operating the way I do.
I love seeing the world through, I guess you could say, rose-colored glasses.
I love operating at a younger mentality.
I might be naive, but I’m not dumb.
I know our ways our different.
I know that no matter how much you explain it to me, I will never understand your way.
I know no matter how much I explain it to you, you will never know mine.

BUT…

it is okay.

if we agree to just get to know each other and accept that our brains operate differently.

Accept our differences.

Love us anyway.
A meeting of the minds.

Me?
I’m not going to be deceiving.
I say it exactly what it is.
You see it differently.
I really am not trying to be hard or difficult.

Sometimes, I cry at night.
I cry because I feel so lost.
I am lost in a world that I do not understand.

Sometimes, it can be very scary.
It’s not just that everybody in the room gets it but me.
I don’t understand your world.
I don’t understand underlying messages.
I don’t understand if someone says one thing, but means another.

I will give you my all…in all things.
I hope you want to give me yours.

I can’t operate on fast.
I have to take things slow. That is how I process.

I so need people to sit with me and talk to me about what is going on, before it happens. Things that are thrown on me without warning, send me into shock. My system shuts down and then I’m expected to operate like everyone else in the room, but its just not possible.

We are easier going than you think. I know we need routine, but if you explain things that are going on, we will do our best to go with the flow. it’s just when we don’t know at all what’s going on that we get really agitated and can act out.

I know for me? I hate to act out. I don’t see it as acting out, but I know you do. You do and think like someone with a different brain. I know you don’t understand that I need to know all the details before the day happens because changes can be hard for me to adapt. If I know ahead of time, I’m good.

I know for me, I will always be trying to meet you where you are and be my best for you. It doesn’t always seem that way because the way we do and think are so different.

Meet me where I am.
I am trying to meet you where you are.

My heart is in the right place.
I know yours is.

Let’s try to do life together and just understand that our brains are wired differently.

Ask me questions.
Make sure I understand

Please don’t make me feel like I did something wrong just cuz it is the way I do things and the way I understand.

We, sometimes, feel like the world is angry at us for something we cannot help. We did our best, but you are still mad. We don’t understand.

I operate, understand, think, and feel differently than you.

Now, let’s go from here…